My First Sermon

    

 A couple of weeks ago, I presided my cousin Lisa's wedding to a good guy named Patrick. I was severely hungover and I forgot about the rings. Here's the sermon:


 Dearly beloved friends and family we are gathered here today to witness the marriage between Patrick Robles and Lisa Basurto.

 Now before I mete out this sermon I should warn you that there will be no objections here. Only because I'd rather not see the wrath of Lisa today. Let's bear down and keep it painless.

 Over the course of today you will undoubtedly get pieces of advice as to how to keep a marriage together. I have none of that for you today. I don't claim to know what keeps marriages strong. What I do have is a reminder. A reminder that seems like an attribute that you'd find when planning a bank robbery. I don't claim to know anything about bank robberies either. It's a version of trustworthiness. It's something I use in every relationship that I hold near and dear to my heart. And that is having each other's back.

 Between mothers and fathers. Sisters and brothers. Between cousins. Between ladies. Hello ladies... Between bros. Sup bruh. Even between coworkers. You have to have each other's back. And you have to remind yourself to do so. Let me give you an example:

Say you and Lisa are up in Famous Sam's for Thirsty Thursday. You know for a fact that she's gotta work the next day but she needs a vodka cran like yesterday. You gotta have her back. You DD. Later on during the night while she's on her third vodka cran,  a giant bro walks up to her smiling and tells her that Juan on Juan is two Mexicans playing basketball. You gotta get have her back. She gets a little upset and says NO! ONE AND ONE IS TWO!!! You gotta have her back even if she says its three. Keep doing this and it'll come naturally. When you make her coffee and chorizo and huevos the next morning you won't even notice. It be a reaction. Do this. All day everyday.  And It'll help when those rough spots show up. It's the same for everyone behind you. And hopefully for everyone ahead of you.