The Dead Phone Chronicles

Day One

      The first day without a cellphone was a wondrous day. It seemed the whole world lay before me without any tethers to restrict my mind and body. I felt lighter. There was no simultaneous ringing/vibrating to interrupt a project or a movie. I was without the steady stream of faulty equipment messages. Broken gate arms. Thirsty friends. Inexplicable spam. Irate women. I was free. January 25th had become Independence Day.
      Yet there was a single twitch in the back my mind. I anticipated it. I knew I would have to think about looking for the phone in  my pocket that was no longer there. I knew I would have to think about not thinking about it. I fancy myself a spontaneous kind of guy. Sometimes I like to go out and have a drink or dinner with a friend. This became difficult. Eventually the addiction became apparent and I tried to ignore it. My right thigh would actually spasm slightly and I would reach into my pocket to answer an imaginary text message. It happened more than once but I didn't beat myself up about it. My new phone from corporate would be here soon and I wouldn't have this quiet time for much longer.

How about this for a tattoo?

George Carlin, Bill Hicks, Richard Pryor and Lenny Bruce fighting off Zombie Carlos Mencia, Zombie Dane Cook, Zombie Gabriel Iglesias, and Zombie Lisa Lampanelli.