How I Made Money In Seattle - From April 11, 2007

      While looking for a job, I jumped onto Craigslist. I found a link looking for volunteers and I called the number for the medical study of the year. The person who answered was a student that also worked for the University of Washington. He asked me some medical history questions and i passed. now that I was qualified to get hammered, he scheduled me for the following Monday to go in and start chugging.

The Flaming Polish Vodka Shot - From June 9, 2007

      One Saturday night in Songtan, South Korea, my buddy Ivan Hunt and I ventured downtown to get completely hammered. It was our soul purpose that night and in more than one way, we succeeded. On Saturday nights back then, our curfew was 2am. We tooled around for a couple hours before 1:30am came around. We didn't think we were drunk enough, so we headed towards a bar called The Chicken Head. This fine establishment is owned and operated by Jonathan. Jonathan is a mechanical genius. He likes to make things outta junk. Things like a mask that forces straight alcohol down your throat in an attempt to out-drink your buddy. Things like taking a bunch of broken down motorcycles and wiring the lights into the building electricity and placing them throughout the bar. Awesome right? so Ivan and I barge in and announce that we wanna be drunk. Jonathan thinks that's a fantastic idea and produces a bottle from behind the bar.

Today in Things That Happened Whilst Stopped At A Traffic Light - From September 21, 2010

      So I'm stopped at a red light on 1st Ave and Bell St. today after fixing something for a site and I see this bulky black guy across the street. He has on a white wifebeater, white beanie, sweatpants with one leg pulled up and flip flops. But what really pulled the outfit together was the headphones, the savvy swagger and the hiphop recital. To no one in particular. My guess is that he had been doing this for blocks. My daydream was that he had been at it for years across continents. Anyway, he is really into his own imaginary rap video until he stops at the corner to wait to cross the street. As soon as he stops, a middle aged white lady (I had my glasses on) pulls her Kia up to the same corner to make a right. When she stops, the guy stoops down and continues his performance while staring at her. She glances at him for half a second. And then guns it. I've never seen a Kia gun it before but if it happens again, it will confirm that Kia tires have the best grip ever. No screech. None. She was gone and the guy's stare followed her until he could longer see the car. He turned towards his original heading and crossed the street.

     In that moment, I wondered what it's like to be in a middle-aged white lady's car when a strange yet confident black man serenades her with unflinching candor. I bet it was really exciting.

Well played sir. Indeed.

My First Addiction

      My parents should have known better. They thought they were doing something good for my sisters and I but it backfired. Maybe my dad bought it because he thought he would like playing it. I don't really remember why they bought us a Nintendo Entertainment System, I just knew that I would be its whore.

4 years ago

      I was living in North Pole, Alaska at the time of the making of this video. I had just started my terminal leave brought on by my exiting from the Air Force. During these days I spent my time being drunk and bored and refusing to look for a job. Some might call it depression but I called it a silent boycott. A mini protest that drained my bank account. 
      I watched a lot of You Tube vids and had just watched an interview of a drunk Tracy Morgan. I was drunk and we were brothers. For some reason there was recommended link to a Diet Coke and Mentos video directly after the interview video.  Jackass Number Two had just come out and was all over MTV. I was feeling crafty. What else would you expect me to do? 

The power of Total Eclipse Of The Heart

      One time I was in Afghanistan. It was in June. While there, part of my job was driving a white cargo truck. It was sort of like a bread van but smaller. Another part of my job was directing people in the truck towards certain airplanes for maintenance work. There were 10 people in the truck. There was no air conditioning.

      I had an IPod and an FM transmitter. The transmitter allowed songs to be transmitted to any FM radio within a 20 foot radius on any frequency. After a couple un-noteworthy songs, I was requested to play something that everyone knew the words to. I chose 'Total Eclipse Of The Heart' by Bonnie Tyler. It was recorded in 1982. The first few bars of echo-y piano did not rouse anyone out of their sun-induced fever dreams. I suspected no one could hear it. I turned up the volume.