Unfriending Facebook

It's been 2 weeks since I deactivated my account. Today is the day Facebook deletes it forever. So far only one person is miffed on why I would do such a thing. Multiple people have commented that I'd be back. 

It's been 2 weeks and curiosity has set in. 

So, um, what's everyone been up to? Heh. Hey, has anyone had a baby in the last week? Are you still voting for who you had said you'd be voting for before I left? Oh, what's my mom up to?

And...

If you didn't get the memorandum on why I ultimately left, here it is: my friends are too diverse in every way which leads to reading false information everyday using the laziest medium possible. 

Please.

Before that, the event that sparked my exodus went like this:

FB: Hey man someone told us your name wasn't really your name. True?

Fukov Daly: Well, that's silly. Of course it's false. 

FB: Prove it. 

Fukov Daly:....

FB:...

Fukov Daly: FUCK YOUUUUUUUUUUU

*middle fingers up *saves archive *deactivates account

Peace out, suckas.

They wanted proof that my name is my name. Picture proof. Pictures of private stuff. 

What the fuck? 

Look. No, stop shaking your head and pay attention. I know that I seem like I don't give a fuck. I give a fuck. This isn't some kind of paranoid, tin hat rant. The social network has a "market" à la Craigslist that requires your credit card number. They already ask for your birthdate, phone number, address and email. You can list your family members and close friends. 

It's seems people are concerned about their privacy until they use Facebook. So, suddenly, I bounced out. 

Yeah, I know shoulda thrown out one more "Sorry mom". But too many people were starting to find out my real name.

I know what you're thinking. "Is that really why he left? Couldn't he have made his profile MORE private?" YES IT IS AND YES I COULD HAVE. Sorta. 

Now I'm on Twitter. And they don't ask those questions. The hate is more rampant but since I'm not a famous intelligent woman, I should be fine. Seriously guys, knock that shit off. 

Also, I'm trying to get back to the way people used their phones in 2006. My goal is bring texting back. 

Remember 10 years ago when people said texting meant you didn't really care but now cruising Facebook for 15 minutes is on par with an hour long real life conversation.

Well, I'm bringing intimate texting back. Hopefully with some kind of sexy edge. I want to be the Timberlake of Texting. Sweet, sexy texting. There's gotta be some kind of nickname to call it but that's all I got so far.

I'm not even sure you can translate this to text form.

Anyway, is this where we're at as a society? Is this so important that I have to write something about it in order to feel better? A lot of people would say no and then check their notifications. I would say yes. Yes, this is where we're at. Apple, LG, Samsung and others have given us the perfect tool for the 21st century and Mark Zuckerberg has given us the perfect time waster/life window/propaganda pusher/battery killer/addiction starter/network connector/argument instigator until the end of humanity.

Not bad advice from someone named Bing.

The aliens in Spielberg's AI would discover Facebook on a server hard drive in the middle of Kansas and then rewrite every decency they assumed of humans. Then, they would leave. 

If I were still alive, I'd show them Gangnam Style and help them pack.

Close enough, I guess.