Post Awakening

     When I was kid, my dad would take us to the movie theater on base. At $2 a pop he would complain about the prices and then buy us popcorn whether we wanted it or not. Once in our seats and settled we'd have to stand back up again for the national anthem. Soldiers would doff their covers and salute. The rest of us would wipe the popcorn off of our laps, put our hands over hearts, and watch a slideshow of American weaponry until the music stopped. The previews would play (we called them previews back then. Not trailers.) and it seemed like every movie that was coming soon was worse than the last because there were no new Star Wars movies on the horizon. Those previews combined with whatever we were watching in those theaters made me realize the future was bleak. I was doomed to watch the same three movies over and over. Forever. When the feature presentation started, I secretly hoped it was a trick and Star Wars would start instead of whatever was supposed to be playing. Even if it was a cartoon, I looked for anything on screen that might be related to Star Wars. I was on the edge of my seat hoping that someone whipped out a lightsaber and took care of business. 

      30 years later, I still get that faint feeling of disappointment when I go to the theater and watch the movie that I bought a ticket for. But not this time. All I wanted last night was to experience that intro.

     As soon as the score drops and that title hits the screen I'm a kid again. It doesn't matter which episode it is. Star Wars IS movies. It isn't what the theater was invented for. It's what I was invented for.

     I smile. No. Not smile. I'm laughing without making a sound. I'm celebrating. And I continue to celebrate until Han dies.



     Before I get to that, let's discuss the film as a whole.
     The infrastructure is the same. We've all been here before. It's all familiar. Like family. Like your hometown. Like your old neighborhood. Like your childhood bedroom. A quarter of the way through and you can almost predict the setting change. From the camera pan to Jakku's irregular eclipse to the sound of the Tie Fighters. The cuts, the composition, the symmetrical static shots, the audio overlays. Pretty much the only thing different is visual quality. Nowadays. the sharpness of any scene is purely understated. I'm near-sighted and the acuity made me feel like I recently went through a Lasik procedure.

      The old gang is all here. Only Luke's and R2's appearances seem like cameos. Here's what we got:

 - Han is old and a terrible father.
- Chewbacca might be old. Wikipedia tells me Wookiees live for several hundred years.
- Leia has seen better days. It sounded like she's been chewing glass for the last 10 years. Young Leia spoke from her diaphragm. Old Leia doesn't have a diaphragm.
- C-3PO's arm is red. Something tells me that the story behind that isn't as interesting as we might hope.
- R2-D2 is in a self-induced coma. Why? Because he misses Luke. It seems droids are regarded as emotional, sentient beings in the movie. Finn sincerely apologizes to BB-8 and I thought Poe was going to pick up the soccer ball and spin around in slow motion when they were reunited.
- I'm glad Luke did not have a speaking role. If he said anything to Rey, all I would hear is the Joker.

 As for the new players; I'm impressed. We like Rey. We like Finn. We like BB-8. We like Poe. We do not like Kylo. Here's what I noticed:

 - Rey is some kind of orphan, genius engineer, and Force prodigy. We've never seen anyone pick up and use the Force so quickly. In the film, it is only a few hours from when she realizes the Force is within her to her straight up ass-whuppin' of Kylo Ren. Looks like Daisy Ridley will be around for a long time.
- Finn is so hapless that his usefulness is almost overshadowed by it. Another orphan and another brave, emotional man. I like him but I won't be surprised if he dies.
- BB-8 is not annoying. I like it.
- Poe is cool. Not young Han Solo cool. But cool enough. I'll watch anything with Oscar Isaac in it.
- Kylo Ren is the worst kind of person. Whiny, tantrum-prone, pathetic. He's a failure to the dark side and will continue to be. Killing his father proves nothing and Snoke will use and throw away Snape Jr. like so much Kleenex.
- Snoke reminds me of evil Uatu.
- General Hux might as well not exist. There seems to be some form of sibling rivalry between him and Kylo. Not very interesting except for the fact that he racks up an impressive body count.
- Maz is like The Oracle from the Matrix. She gives good advice and no one listens. Not even us. Oh well.
- Gwendoline Christie should have just given up Captain Phasma and done Leia's voiceover.

     The film works. It's definitely not perfect. It suffers from pacing issues and unnecessary scenes. JJ Abrams continues his extraordinary visuals and delivers something palatable. The dialogue sounds like it was lifted straight from 1977 and I really didn't expect anything more. The recycled storyline and plot made me wonder if there was something I missed besides the obvious World War II tones. I guess I'll have to watch it again and celebrate in silence.

 P.S. list

 - Abrams alumni Greg Grunberg and Ken Leung make an appearances as allies of the Resistance. They'll probably be back.

 - Is Luke on the goddamned Lost island? I laughed out at that thought.

 - What the hell is with that entire scene? No talking? Just staring for what seems like 5 minutes. And then an aerial sweeping shot with more frozen silence. I think I heard uncomfortable laughter among the crowd.

 - Bread from powder and water. Get on it scientists!

 - Why the hell does Rey think someone is coming back for her?

 - Is Leia's only Force power knowing when someone dies or lives? That's pretty shitty, Force.

 - I saw Han's death coming. Harrison has been saying it for years. But c'mon; he deserved better than that garbage. Truthfully, I more upset about the handling of Han than anything else. Let me see if I got this right: Han and Leia bang. Ben is born. Ben goes to train with Luke and has the first of many tantrums. Han and Leia break up because Ben is not nice. Han takes Chewy with him on more smuggler adventures. Somehow Han knows that Ben becomes Kylo Ren. Han knows what he looks like even with his mask on. Han also somehow gets worse at smuggling. He's a bad father and a bad smuggler. What in the hell is going on? That's not MY Han Solo.

 - What the hell is the point of the smuggler stand-off scene? It nothing to do with anything. Yes, I understand the Indiana Jones reference but at what cost, goddammit?